The Joy of a Smile

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy. ~Thích Nhất Hạnh

When we were young, it was so easy to smile. Our smiles came from the inside. Even if life was difficult, a smile was just a breath away. But with time, our hearts got broken, just one too many times, and if we even smile at all, it can be forced. 

This happened to me. I used to smile so easily. Then one day, I couldn't muster a smile at all, not even a fake one. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what. I had lost my ability to smile. When I tried to smile, it looked more like a wince. 

Looking back, I can see what happened. I had given in to negativity, and it had a grip on me. I had let a relationship that was unhealthy represent all relationships for me. I didn't see a way out of my self-imposed tunnel. Truthfully, I didn't fully understand Thich Nhat Hanh's approach to smiling. 

What could make me smile again? I had to find out. I had to make a change. The joy in my heart had always gotten me through, but it seemed that was gone, too. Then one day, in a round about way, I realized where my smile had gone. 

I had rushed into a second marriage with an old friend. Before I realized it, I was conforming to his every wish, believing that if I made him happy, I would be happy. After several years of this, I had given and given, many times reluctantly because what he wanted was not what I wanted. Then one day he said to me, "I don't have anything to look forward to." That declaration burst the bubble I had been living in, and I realized something. I cannot make another person happy. But what came next was even deeper....

NO ONE ELSE is in charge of my happiness!

Happiness is an inside job. Looking for others to fill my unhappy heart was the problem. The solution was to take responsibility for my own happiness. The marriage didn't last but a few months more, but that was the beginning of my journey to happiness and to regaining my smile. 

First I took Norman Cousin's approach in Anatomy of an Illness, and decided to learn to laugh again. Reruns of I Love Lucy did the trick. Soon I was making jokes with my daughter, sometimes being silly and giddy. I still have a ways to go, but I feel a lightness in my heart that was not there before. 

Taking responsibility for our smile is a great adventure. No one can travel it for us, but the journey is worth it. 

Find your smile. Laughter is the best yoga. 

Kumar, Sivesh. "Million Dollar Smile....." Flickr. Yahoo!, 17 Mar. 2013. Web. 07 Feb. 2015.