Being Sure

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh!" he whispered.

"Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw.

"I just wanted to be sure of you." ~A.A. Milne

When do we first learn to trust? Is it when we look into our mother's eyes and know that she is our world and she will be there to feed, clothe, and hold us? And when do we lose trust? Could we look into those same eyes with the expectations and needs of a newborn, only to find that the woman we are looking at cannot meet them?

Or is it later, when we learn to love someone outside of our immediate family, those people we can trust to love us no matter what and who can push every button we have? Is it after we fall head over heals in love with someone who uses words like always and forever, and "I'll be there for you no matter what." and we find out that these were just empty promises? Our heart broken and wounded, we retreat to the corner to lick our wounds, to once again emerge ready to love, or so we think.

But the wounds have never really healed. A scar would be just fine, but this wound is open and tender. The next person we meet can't see the wound through our smiles and laughter, all disguises to cover our pain. That is not until the wound is touched..... Those words, once so precious and loving, forever and always, are mentioned again, and we go off the handle over some insignificantly small matter. Back to the corner we go, licking the wounds, leaving our new love standing in amazement not exactly sure what happened. A couple of these episodes and the relationship is history before it even sprouted wings. There are two casualties here, us and the new guy or gal.

And then one day someone comes along that we don't want to lose. The same drama is played out, but this time it is like we are looking in a mirror. What we see is painful, but true. We cannot deny its truth. We see ourselves for the very first time. Sometimes what is there is so amazingly beautiful, we are in paradise.....and then sometimes it is so haggard and ugly that we wince at the view. Then slowly, but surely, we are able to look at ourselves without looking away, without self-rejection. We are healing.

Soon, we are able to really see the person we are with, not the reflection of ourselves, our pains, but truly seeing. This person has been there through it all. We can trust again. We, like Piglet, are sure of someone.

photo credit: K, Paul. "Do You See Piglet. Look At Their Tracks!" Flickr. Yahoo!, 28 Nov. 2008. Web. 07 Feb. 2015.

Just When I Thought I'd Peeled the Onion

One day on my yoga mat, I sat in a short meditation and asked the Universe (God, Spirit, etc..) to use me. Not long after that, I got a call for an interview for a job teaching middle school. Middle school students, in general, are a tough lot, but many of these students come from challenging home situations and deal with poverty and violence on a daily basis.
I thought I had love. I thought I was ready to save these children. What I had forgotten is that they were here to teach me more than I could ever teach them.

When a young person loses trust in adults, it is not easily won back, and every adult in that child's life will suffer the consequences caused by perhaps the one person who has failed him. The longer the betrayal, the harder it is to gain trust back. When children feel that they are not important to the people in their lives who should love them unconditionally and care for them, they lose a solid sense of who they are and start feeling less about themselves. When this happens, a vicious cycle begins, with the child acting on these feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem, and  in turn the people in their lives judge them for those behaviors, making them feel even more worthless and unloved, leading to more deviant behaviors.

So, here I am, all perky and positive, ready to jump in with my ray of sunshine, thinking I am going to turn the Titanic on a dime. A few days of my pep talks and positive attitude should do it, I assumed, though much of this was pretty unconscious. I was not ready for the backlash of criticism and negative attitudes directed towards me. After all, I had come to save the day. Only the day was a conglomeration of days in each child's life leading to this one day, and in those days there had been many experiences of failure and heartache. How arrogant of me to think a few days could wipe that slate clean. It is a humbling revelation.

But then I got it. I have known since my second year as a teacher that this path, including whichever one  each of us chooses to travel, would lead me to the ultimate truth, Love. These children, as many who came before, have been designated as my teachers. It might take a day to destroy a beautiful palace, but it will take much longer to rebuild it. However, if we stay with the work, laying each brick with love and care, we will, in the end, have our palace.

So now, when they push me away, I push back, in love. They give me backtalk, I model respect. If I keep coming back in love, again and again, love will be the victor because love is the greatest force in the universe. When I am weak and tired, I falter, but then I am not too proud to say I failed, even to them. This is more than a job; it is Life with a capital L. I asked to be used, and I got the lesson I needed, which always comes down to LOVE with all caps.

Peace,

Deby

photo credit:

M, Fatma. "Weekend Love." Flickr. Yahoo!, 20 Sept. 2008. Web. 07 Feb. 2015.