One day on my yoga mat, I sat in a short meditation and asked the Universe (God, Spirit, etc..) to use me. Not long after that, I got a call for an interview for a job teaching middle school. Middle school students, in general, are a tough lot, but many of these students come from challenging home situations and deal with poverty and violence on a daily basis.
I thought I had love. I thought I was ready to save these children. What I had forgotten is that they were here to teach me more than I could ever teach them.
When a young person loses trust in adults, it is not easily won back, and every adult in that child's life will suffer the consequences caused by perhaps the one person who has failed him. The longer the betrayal, the harder it is to gain trust back. When children feel that they are not important to the people in their lives who should love them unconditionally and care for them, they lose a solid sense of who they are and start feeling less about themselves. When this happens, a vicious cycle begins, with the child acting on these feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem, and in turn the people in their lives judge them for those behaviors, making them feel even more worthless and unloved, leading to more deviant behaviors.
So, here I am, all perky and positive, ready to jump in with my ray of sunshine, thinking I am going to turn the Titanic on a dime. A few days of my pep talks and positive attitude should do it, I assumed, though much of this was pretty unconscious. I was not ready for the backlash of criticism and negative attitudes directed towards me. After all, I had come to save the day. Only the day was a conglomeration of days in each child's life leading to this one day, and in those days there had been many experiences of failure and heartache. How arrogant of me to think a few days could wipe that slate clean. It is a humbling revelation.
But then I got it. I have known since my second year as a teacher that this path, including whichever one each of us chooses to travel, would lead me to the ultimate truth, Love. These children, as many who came before, have been designated as my teachers. It might take a day to destroy a beautiful palace, but it will take much longer to rebuild it. However, if we stay with the work, laying each brick with love and care, we will, in the end, have our palace.
So now, when they push me away, I push back, in love. They give me backtalk, I model respect. If I keep coming back in love, again and again, love will be the victor because love is the greatest force in the universe. When I am weak and tired, I falter, but then I am not too proud to say I failed, even to them. This is more than a job; it is Life with a capital L. I asked to be used, and I got the lesson I needed, which always comes down to LOVE with all caps.
Peace,
photo credit:
M, Fatma. "Weekend Love." Flickr. Yahoo!, 20 Sept. 2008. Web. 07 Feb. 2015.
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