Memory is no better than fiction because of the nature of our mind. We remember selectively. Like the song says, "...things too painful to remember, we simply choose to forget." Memory becomes better or worse than the events we are recalling actually were.
I was stuck in the past. I romanticized it, fictionalized it, and dreamed about it. The truth is, no matter how good the past was, it is gone. It actually does not exist. I cannot go there. I cannot be there. The only place I can be is here, now.
People often look back a certain times of life and swoon over the simplicity of the good old days. College is a good example. Yes, there were some times that are quite memorable, but there are times that I don't want to remember. Like the time all I had to eat was a can of Veg-all because I had blown my food money at the mall. Or the time I saw my handsome boyfriend kissing his equally lovely blond ex-girlfriend outside of the cafe where I was eating lunch. The good old days, right.
I remember moments on the swing in the backyard at night, talking to my mother, as we both swung back and forth, when all the world seemed perfect. I could spend my whole life dredging up those times. The problem is doing so creates sadness. It is a time gone by. My mother is no longer here with me. I am not a child. Most importantly, when I am there, I am not here.
Oh, some will say that is a good thing, but it is not. Even back then there were troubled times, sad times, times when I cried so hard I could hardly catch my breath. Thinking about the good old days, will not stop life from coming at us full throttle. Being present makes life beautiful and because we are not lost in the past or fixated on the future, all of our attention is on what is happening right now. We can handle life if we just accept it as it is. Wishing it were different, hoping all the "bad stuff" would go away, just causes us to suffer. Why? Because no matter how hard we pray or try to stop life, it happens anyway. All of it.
If I know that being here in this moment is the best possible place I can be to experience the fullness of life, then I have no need to look back. That is a story. This is reality. Reality only bites when we deny it. So that is where my sights are going to be set. On this moment.
If I ever do travel back in time, it will be a short trip. I don't want to miss a moment of what is in store for me right now.
I was stuck in the past. I romanticized it, fictionalized it, and dreamed about it. The truth is, no matter how good the past was, it is gone. It actually does not exist. I cannot go there. I cannot be there. The only place I can be is here, now.
People often look back a certain times of life and swoon over the simplicity of the good old days. College is a good example. Yes, there were some times that are quite memorable, but there are times that I don't want to remember. Like the time all I had to eat was a can of Veg-all because I had blown my food money at the mall. Or the time I saw my handsome boyfriend kissing his equally lovely blond ex-girlfriend outside of the cafe where I was eating lunch. The good old days, right.
I remember moments on the swing in the backyard at night, talking to my mother, as we both swung back and forth, when all the world seemed perfect. I could spend my whole life dredging up those times. The problem is doing so creates sadness. It is a time gone by. My mother is no longer here with me. I am not a child. Most importantly, when I am there, I am not here.
Oh, some will say that is a good thing, but it is not. Even back then there were troubled times, sad times, times when I cried so hard I could hardly catch my breath. Thinking about the good old days, will not stop life from coming at us full throttle. Being present makes life beautiful and because we are not lost in the past or fixated on the future, all of our attention is on what is happening right now. We can handle life if we just accept it as it is. Wishing it were different, hoping all the "bad stuff" would go away, just causes us to suffer. Why? Because no matter how hard we pray or try to stop life, it happens anyway. All of it.
If I know that being here in this moment is the best possible place I can be to experience the fullness of life, then I have no need to look back. That is a story. This is reality. Reality only bites when we deny it. So that is where my sights are going to be set. On this moment.
If I ever do travel back in time, it will be a short trip. I don't want to miss a moment of what is in store for me right now.
Yes. Nice post Deby. It really is about realizing that everything we need is always right here (reality). Learning to want exactly what we need is the next part. What causes sadness when we remember things seems to be the belief that something is somehow missing or wrong with reality as it appears now. Believing that everything is exactly as it should be right now opens the door to remembering without sadness or regret. I don't know. Not only is this the best place to be its the only one possible. Thanks for your post!
ReplyDeleteJohn, I have been trying to reply to your post for a few days. I cannot figure out how because it keeps signing me out. Anyway, thanks for your comments. The practice of loving what is is such a stress reducer. I have been fighting reality for a very long time. Nabil and I have a plaque in the kitchen that reads, "It is what it is." That says it all. :) Deby
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